Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Why We Don't Cry It Out


"You are spoiling him. We will all have to deal with it when he becomes a whiney needy toddler! He needs to cry it out." Yep, I'm actually quoting someone. Was little man being fussy at the time? Nope! So what brought on this unwarranted advice? Well, honestly probably just the need for a parent to offer two cents, but it got me thinking. I've said it numerous times and I still stand by it. If he doesn't have a reason to cry then he won't. I firmly believe that when he cries he needs something. Whether it be food, a clean diaper, or simple human interaction, I will provide. He has no other way of communication. At three months old my little man can't tell me what's wrong and he sure can't help himself to whatever he requires for happiness. What am I here for if not to make sure his every need is fulfilled? Yes! Human touch is most definitely a need in infant development. Many people swear that by not letting him cry it out he will be socially stunted. A simple Google search will prove this to be a myth. There are actual studies that show it's quite the opposite. That babies who have had to cry it out can be challenged physically, emotionally, and socially.
 
Not letting him cry it out does not mean that when little man cries we pick him up coddle and soothe him back to sleep no matter what time it is or how long it takes. It's so much easier than that. I have been going off this same belief since day one and with the exception of when he had surgery , and that time his tummy got into a bind, our little man hasn't had to cry for a period longer than two to five minutes tops.
I have gotten pretty good at understanding why he is crying when he cries. Of course, him being hungry is the easiest to figure out, for the most part, because of his signs. He chews on his hands or anything that comes within inches of his mouth or he smacks his tongue a lot to let me know he needs sustenance. We do feedings like rituals. I always change the little man's diaper before he eats in case he falls asleep soon after. Eliminating the probability of having to do so after he eats and ultimately waking him up.
When he needs a diaper change he gets fussy, not a full on cry, just whiny and fidgety. Who could get comfy when swaddled in their own secretions after all? A few wipes, some powder and he's happy and baby fresh in no time.
When he's sleepy he fidgets endlessly, kicking and throwing his arms wildly while....and this is key....rubbing his face. Little man can't help himself, if he is sleepy that face will either be buried in the closest cushion, arm, stuffed animal, or his own hands. Sometimes he can be pacified with his paci, others I need to rock him. Either way I don't expect him to put himself to sleep completely by himself. The trick is to get him right to the point of heavy eyes and then lay him down and allow him naturally doze off. He will wake up a few times while he sleeps and cry out, but placing a hand on his back, or speaking to him, will calm him within seconds.
When he just wants attention he cries but with no tears and is very easily distracted. So when he starts this I take the opportunity to do activity time. We practice rolling over or sitting up. We hang out on our tummys or backs and play with toys. Sometimes, we just sit and read a book.
Coddling and soothing does happen. From time to time a little cuddling or pacing the floor is necessary, but as with most things once the crying stops I can resume whatever tedious task required my attention. Maybe we got lucky. Our little man is so easily pleased or distracted from things that cause him to cry out.
Everyone is different. What works for us will not work for everyone. So I'm not at all trying to give advice on how to be a parent. I simply believe that our little one doesn't cry to manipulate us. He cries because it is his only means of communication. If I stop trusting my motherly instincts my baby will do the same.
Here is a great article about this very subject and the research behind it.
CRY IT OUT (CIO): 10 REASONS WHY IT IS NOT FOR US

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